IN THE COMPANY OF WOMAN

[Well then after that I and Mrinmayi came close to each other and we had been seeing each other since almost four years. Meanwhile she and I got good job offers and were earning handful of money. We got to know each other very well and understood our feelings and way of life. Even then I had not acquired the knack to beat her in any discussion. So I always suspected why she liked me. But after being together for so much time we were bound to talk about future. The story then continues………]

“Ajun ujadat nahi ga,
Dashakanmagun sarli dashake
An shatakanchya gatha ga,
Na watancha moh sute wa
Na mohachya wata ga,
Path chakavyacha gol saral va
Kunas umagat nahi ga,
Pravas kasala farafat awaghi,
Pan jalatun wahi ga.
Ajun ujadat nahi ga……
‘The beautiful creation of Sandeep Khare was making me lose the grip on reality and push me into the deepest ocean of secrets of philosophy and utopia of life that everything is going in its ideal way. That’s how things should go. I have got whatever I wanted. Is that what is called as mission accomplished? No. What do I want now? What is my age? It’s 27. Of course can one become satisfied at this age with just love life going as good at it should be? I was out of mind to find out what I wanted exactly and what my current progress was. I was thinking hard to judge my self as fine as I could. Sometimes we can take charge of the situation we are in and sometimes we are taken charge of. Mrinmayi had occupied a substantial part of my life and it was now impossible to step back as far as choice was concerned. It was now tough time ahead of me to cope up with new circumstances ahead regarding settlement of this matter. I knew she was definitely my cup of tea, but consumption at proper time and favorable conditions was important. Suddenly the sound track changed and I was diverted. I shook my head vigorously to get rid of those thoughts. It was Sunday. I guessed she would be free then. I called her and asked for her appointment later in the day. We agreed on the evening coffee at Shiv sagar as it would be nearer to both of us. Again there was a long wait of couple of hours, so turned the previous song on and thought process was given a spark.
I was right on time to reach the destination, but was a bit disappointed to see her waiting in front of the hotel because she was more punctual than me. I laughed at myself to find me thinking on such useless topic. In next second I was in front of her to be swept off my feet by her ravishing style of dressing and hair. I wondered how sharp brain and marvelous beauty could be colleagues. I regained my senses in accordance with the previous thoughts couple of hours ago. She was watching my facial expressions over the period through her perfectly black eyes drilling into me and disturbing my interiors. I led her inside without a word to a vacant table. I was the one to sit at once and drench my throat with that chilled water, as cricket players generally do before starting their inning. She was patient throughout and when we settled, she broke the ice.
“So?”
“So? Nothing. I just wanted to make my evening better than one without you.”
“Thanks for that compliment. Same goes for you. I think you have thought something about a serious topic. Is it right?”
“How did you find it?” I was dumbfounded again to get caught again.
“I just guessed. Your face is very expressive. Your eyes are looking shallower than usual and your body movements are faster telling that you are confused with something.” She finished in one breath like Doctors diagnose the disease.
“How on…..wait a minute…..have you got some sixth sense? I always try to come up with some competitive argument and you floor me to the ground. This is vivid injustice. God must be partial in this regard. I will pray for improvement. I should get chances too.” I pretended to be dramatic which she did not care of.
“Don’t be so excited. There was nothing to be so in that. It is very easy if you keep observing people and feel their emotions. You can learn it very quickly. Also I have been seeing you for a while now. Ok keep it aside. What was the big issue?”
“Yeah, yeah. Keep impressing me. I was thinking about progress in our relationship and also some minor topics.”
“What are they?”
“Getting you was the only aim of life? Am I really satisfied? Etc. some philosophical stuff. Let’s not get carried away by this. Be cool and calm. We will enjoy coffee. Waiter.....”
“No, wait. This is an important topic. We should discuss it. Why a man like you can fool himself in weighing issues in his life wrongly? Tell me honestly, what did you think?”
“I told you about that. I want you to be part of my life officially, but I want this to be happened without complications and disappointment of anybody specially our parents.” I said in a flash of second to get rid of load on my mind about this kind of propose, as I knew I was not good at that.
“That’s great, but not charming proposal for marriage. I remember you when you said you love me. You were very funny. Looking straight into my eyes talking about “Reynolds number in Fluid Mechanics” and suddenly it was “I love you” and then again about the “ranges of Reynolds number.” I can’t forget that day.” she burst out laughing somehow completing her sentence.
I was feeling awkward in the hotel to let people sitting beside in the hotel to know about my proposal and its style. I raised my eyebrows signaling her to stop laughing. She acted if she was serious and put a finger cross on her lips in a naughty style. I could notice that she had not stopped to poke fun of me. In her mind she might be still laughing. I let it go and like a professional, I cleared my throat and sat upright to say,
“Let me straighten this matter out. Mrinamyi, I love you and I want to marry you. Will you marry me?”
I could see that she had already ceased laughing and her face went red. She looked down at the menu card kept on the table. I remembered the day which she reminded me of and laughed at myself. I improved; I thought and in a teasing mood disturbed her,
“So? Are you happy now? I asked you some question; if you like you can answer it”
She was silent and as far as I knew her she was not in a mood of any chat. After some time she took a deep breath and collecting some thoughts she spoke in a very deep tone which did not seem like her.
“What if I say no?”
I surmised she was testing me by this question, whether I will go possessive or not. So I replied calmly,
“It’s perfectly alright even if you say No. I know it’s not easy to take decision having impact for life in one minute. So I will not force you to take any rash verdict now on this table. You can take your own time. Also I will not be affected by your negation to this question. So be calm be cool and let me know your answer whenever you are ready.”
I thought she would be disappointed to listen to this absolutely professional reply. But she didn’t seem to dilute. In fact she smiled and half got up from her seat. I became alert towards her activities. She bent forward making me confused about what she will do then. In the next second she let her arm stretch out and pinched my cheeks.
“Sweet heart, that was very straight forward, but do you think that I will be cruel to say anything to hurt you? No. So take it easy. The question you asked me, its answer is “Yes.” I also want to marry you.”
She gave her nod in rather shaky voice playing with her purse nervously hardly looking at me. I was left with a wide grin just enough to suppress my excitement and show the etiquettes in a public place even though I had been gifted one of the best things in the world. Her face was still red and she had not yet looked up towards my joyous face which was trying to express my gratitude for her consent. I started to look elsewhere to get out of this unimaginable situation. I called waiter to remind about coffee. All fellow eaters were busy with their hands and teeth. Manager was as usual eating money unaware of what just happened here. Five minutes passed and I was becoming restless. I picked the glass up to pretend that I was drinking and put on table with well audible sound. She might have noticed I had done that deliberately. With very strange facial expressions she raised her face to look deep in my eyes. This was ridiculous again, as I did not like to be kept in dark about her thoughts. I gave up and darted at her,
“What is it? What happened? You were normal before few minutes and now your tongue has quit its job. Tell me the truth. I am not good at reading people’s faces.”
“Nothing has happened. Don’t be so insensitive. I was trying to live this moment for a while. This will not come again. Will it? So you too try and taste the ecstasy of it and stop being shallow. Do you understand?”
Oh god! I really forgot to think in that way. I had seriously turned this issue into a debate over a coffee. I could have understood the importance of this moment for us, especially for her. I cursed myself and tried to relocate my mind into this newborn situation. But I remembered she was not so serious when I confessed her about my love. This was just the next step. What was so great in this to alter the mood so drastically? I thought of the time since we had been with each other. This was not happening in accordance with the length of the period. We knew each other very well and this was just completion of formality. She should have taken this for granted. I was lost in thoughts when waiter came with coffee. Both of rearranged our stature to receive our order. When he was gone, I watched her carefully. Her face was fair now telling she was slightly normal. She was observing the coffee cup with a child’s expression when he is given a large chocolate bar; as if nothing has happened before ten minutes. She then held the cup of coffee in her delicate hands to take it near her lips for consuming it. Her style of holding cup was worth noticing. I had made fun of her many times for her funny style. She holds the cup in all five fingers curling over the cup, instead of index finger inserting in the gap given for holding. Still then I was impelled to do it again. But I was just busy in observing her. She took one sip and then licked her lips to get the portion that failed to get inside with eyes closed. I found it amusing to watch her enjoying her in small things also. She then put the cup down to finally to notice that I was sitting in front of her.
“I must be very thankful to you for this great evening. You know, I was desperately waiting for this moment, that we will sometime talk of marriage. I am still enjoying the moment. But while doing it I have not forgotten the happiness in small things like this coffee. It helps me keep me on my toes. Otherwise I should not be carried away by any sudden happy or sad news. You must be thinking strange about my behavior now and before some time. It’s strange change. But you know one thing I would like to tell you. I am appreciated for my qualities but inside I am a girl next door. I have my own feelings and they have their own weak points. When they are touched I have to control myself so that emotions don’t overpower me in constrained places like this. By putting forward the marriage proposal you have touched them. It’s like dream coming true for any girl; especially to a groom she likes a lot. I am very today, very happy. Now about you if I need to say something then it will be, ‘I am impressed in the way you proposed me and it boosted to me to reply immediately’. Thanks again.”
I held her hand in gratitude and pressed it for long heartfelt reply. My eyes were asking her to manage in this happy moment to stay calm. Two tears rolled down her beautiful face which she did not take care of. I moved my fingers across her cheeks for her face to get rid of tears. She held my hand with a good grip, took it to her forehead and bending her neck forward she started sobbing softly. I brushed my other hand on her hair somehow trying to console her in this happy moment. Anyways how anybody can be consoled in happier moments? After a couple of minutes she stopped and in a sudden hurry she cleaned her mess up with handkerchief and smiled at me to indicate her normality. I was somewhat left dumb then because she had never cried in front me. So this was a new situation in front of me which was making me feel awkward. I neglected the people gazing at us in the hope of some exciting drama and in very soft tone, I said to her,
“I am relieved that you finally opened yourself up. Also you accepted my proposal, my wish is fulfilled. What else I wanted? I can build up now with new enthusiasm that you are my life partner. Don’t worry now. Everything will be alright. I am always there with you.”
“You don’t have to say that. I know it. I completely trust you. Now the issue to discuss is how to make this happen. Do you have any idea?”
“It will just be over as swiftly as possible. No need to be tensed about this anymore. I will let you through this. I am confident. After all we are off age since a while now. So be calm. Everything will be worked out.”
“That’s okay for now. But sometimes I become scared about this…..”
“Shut up. How can one balanced girl like you talk like this? I will look into it.. Now your coffee needs your attention. Have it and I want no more pessimistic views on this issue now.”
She held my palm once again and expressed her thanks through her eyes. I was happy to see that she did not raise her upset issues. We both quietly had our coffee without looking at each other. I wondered she could also break down at such happy moment. I had strong faith in her about emotional stability. She had cracked that faith down. I jeered at her to let her know that I knew she could also be overpowered by emotions. She smiled in reply but did not understand the meaning why I did it. I thought she was still in the dreamy mood. I let her be there, as it was giving me some time to revise the chapter of our lives. She had become one of the most important parts of my life and I had let it happen. Rather it was my choice. There was none to be blamed for any complications if occurred. But I had derived a great strength from her that those may be tackled in very easy way if my part of settlement was to be considered. She had taught me lot of things in our period together. She was just there to give and I was there to pick up. The reverse flow of any knowledge had very less magnitude. I owed her if life was viewed as give and take process. I thought through this formality I had returned something to her for kind assistance through out. I would be glad to give her anything if possible. I decided to do it. At last what was the big deal in making this happen? I came to know that I thought a lot as I was getting more and more old; which I did not use to when I was 22 and when I first met this girl, when her voice tickled my ears. It said,
“I have left you thinking I think. It’s good to think though. It lubricates your brain and keeps it healthy.”
I understood she was completely normal now. I replied teasingly,
“Yes, you are right. Good to see that you are alright.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know it; you came back your neutral state from excited state suddenly speaking of brain functions.”
“Shut up. I am sure, you will not change”
She hit me on my arm to express her fake anger. I started laughing on her childish behavior. She joined me too after some time to intoxicate the matter fully. I then paid the bill as we came out of the hotel. I noticed that I was completely different from the one before parking the car. It was nothing like marriage proposal in mind before coming here and then came out completing formalities. I could not believe that could happen on such a very common day. That was special day for me. ‘I would remember it for my whole life’ I said to myself. She was observing me with keen interest to note my facial expressions. When we found ourselves finally near the car, I was in no mood to say ‘let’s go’. I felt I created one horcrux and placed in her. Though we had created our own worlds for us, those were to be led. So I was bound to accept that. She finally said,
“I have full faith on you. You will straighten this out. Don’t worry about me. I will be all right. I aught to give you something for this memorable treat.”
She placed her delicate palm on my cheek to show her care for me. I was enjoying the feeling of being taken care of and the touch of soft palm on my face. I wanted this to last forever. But reality dumped me on the ground. I finally got in the car patting her hand which was expressing love she had for me. I asked her to get in the car. She rejected and mumbled in my ear bending forward,
“I am not your wife yet.”
And started laughing.
“That was a very bad joke. I am asking you to get in the car so that I will drop you to your place. It will start raining soon. Does this relate from any angle to being spouse? Get in.”
She opened the back door and got in. After making herself comfortable, she looked at me and commanded,
“Driver, take me home.”
“Yes Madam. As you wish.”
I turned the engine on and drove to her home. She was busy with her purse. I could sense that she was looking for something. As the hotel was nearer, destination came in five minutes. I called to remind her. She signaled me to wait for a second and took out a packet from her purse. It was a box packed in red shining paper giving it appearance of a gift. She handed that thing over to me and moved her fingers across my hair to disturb the tidiness of them.
“It’s for you. Open it in my absence. I am sure you will like it. Bye darling.”
And she ran, as it was raining heavily, inside her apartment looking back twice with an expression telling that she was shy to establish any eye contact. I was bound to open the packet as I was a bit impatient in these things. Rearranging my hair properly, I tore the red paper apart to find one corrugated golden box which looked like a jewel cover. I opened that box carefully thinking of the possibility of any delicate thing in it. But I found a piece of parchment and a rolled photograph in that box. It wrote,
“Do you want to know from when I started loving you? Have a look at the photograph with this note.”
I untied the roll to see the photograph. It was the snap taken when we were in 6th standard. It was a class photo in which all were dressed in our school uniform and sitting on steps. I could see my younger self in the last row looking intently at the photographer. I tried to find out Mrinamyi. I was familiar to her cute face in these 4-5 years. But I was finding it hard to track younger Mrinamyi down in this very old photograph. At last I found her. And the most interesting to note that she was looking behind in the last row towards whom? It was, I was shocked, nothing but, me. I immediately turned around to see her somewhere in her home. Through the thick curtain of rain drops, standing in her balcony, she was looking at me with the same irresistible expression of being shy on her face.

Darshan G Pahinkar